This practice can help you be more inclusive with yourself. No more denying, hiding, disowning, ignoring or condemning parts of yourself. Just you, including every aspect of you! Are you up for it?
This exercise is perfect for you when you
• notice that a certain feeling or emotion keeps haunting you
• notice that you are making ‘wrong’ choices, while you know better somewhere
• are troubled by the feelings or emotions of others
• prefer to avoid or not feel (certain) emotions
• are curious about a sense of peace
It will take about fifteen minutes to half an hour. Pen and paper is useful!
At the bottom you will find an example !!
Step 1 – State a Cause
Think about something about yourself or someone else that you have an emotional response to. Or think of a feeling or emotion that sometimes bothers you or that bother you with someone else. Please pick something that is (on a scale of 0-10) an 8 or higher in intensity for you.
Write it down briefly (recommended!)
– I hate …
– I find it difficult when …
– I hate it when someone else …
Step 2 – State your feelings
It makes me feel …
I also feel like …
Step 3 – Describe your tendency or reaction
My tendency is to …
I react like …
Step 4 – Validate yourself
“Anyone in my shoes would feel that way.”
“It’s completely valid that I feel that way.”
“I fully approve of myself, my reaction and my emotion / feeling.”
Step 5 – Find peace or not yet?
Ask yourself: Can I feel that it is completely OK to react like this on the cause i stated before?
Important: Every answer is correct! Whether you say yes or no on this question, both are perfect. Even dishonesty is good. Notice your tendency to be dishonest and find your honest answer.
“YES, I can be at peace with it”
Then allow peace to completely encompass and engulf you. Enjoy it! You are ready. (Or you start over with a different feeling or emotional response.)
“NO, I can’t be at peace with it”
Continue with step 6.
Step 6 – Find more layers of feelings & reactions to validate
Repeat the four questions:
A – How do I feel about this too?
B – What is my inclination because of that?
C – Validate each new layer of feeling / emotional response and tendencies.
D – Can I be at peace with feeling that way and having those tendencies? Yes or no?
Note: This can be a very long list. That is very
just! Let yourself be surprised. Continue until you have all your reactions and inclinations
seen, (validated (approved) and experienced peace.
Reason: I hate it when people don’t keep their word.
(A) That makes me very angry!
(B) My tendency is to smash the whole house to bits.
(C) Validation: I approve of myself and my anger. < br> (D) Can I be content to get angry when someone doesn’t keep his word? No. Not yet.
(A) I also feel insignificant, meaningless, when someone doesn’t keep his word. My tendency is never to count on anyone again. Never again have expectations of that person and not really connect anymore. And to be wary of others too.
(B) I fully understand myself, that I feel so insignificant and have all these tendencies when someone doesn’t keep his word.
(C) Can I be at peace with it now? No.
(A) I also feel very alone, let down when someone doesn’t keep his word.
(B) I tend to do everything myself and only engage in things when I I am very sure that I can do it and that it will work.
(C) I embrace myself completely in that alone feeling and with the tendency to get it all done by myself.
(D) Can I feel at peace with feeling this way? No, still not.
(A) I also feel desperate shame when someone doesn’t keep his word. As if I am not worth doing what is promised!
(B) I tend to always try very hard so that others want to be with me and come to me to connect . So that I can choose or reject someone myself.
(C) I fully understand that I feel desperate and want to be at the helm of making choices.
(D) Can I be at peace with it? No, still not.
(A) I’m also scared when someone doesn’t keep their word.
(B) I tend not to make any promises myself. Nothing in the future for me to see for myself. I never, ever want to be the cause of my failure to keep my word.
(C) Anyone in my shoes would feel this way and have this tendency.
(D) Can I make peace with it? have so? Yes …
When you are ready and experience peace, light, ‘uplifting’ inner movements often arise. Perhaps there is room for a desire for connection, loving self-care, compassion for making mistakes, solidity in your own being … Perhaps you will feel and see the light that you have received in your hands, to do something with, something with to experience.
Sometimes people are not able to experience peace in an exercise like this. No matter how hard they try.
If you recognize yourself as someone who simply cannot feel peace within emotions and your own reactions, ask yourself this: Can I be completely OK with myself, while I do not to feel any peace?
Probably not right?
Ask yourself this: Can I be completely OK about the fact that I am not OK because I cannot feel any peace? In short: can I be OK about not being ok? A part of you will have to say yes now. Validate this part of you.
You might feel yourself switching back to a part of you who really wants to be ok. Recognize that you have two opposing inner parts. One that wants to feel ok and one that wants to be ok, while not feeling ok. It is perfectly normal to have paradoxal parts inside.