Once I was at a little girl's birthday. She was 1 year old and daddy greeted the guests with the girl on her arm. At one point there were 5 visitors around her and daddy. They gave her presents to open later. And they all talked to her and also about her to daddy. She couldn't say much herself. She silently looked at everyone. But apparently it was starting to get a little too much for her, all that attention. Because she did something very clever: she pointed her finger out through the window. And everyone who was around her followed the finger and looked out too. There was nothing special to see outside! It took a while for everyone to realize that. Meanwhile, the girl had hidden her face against Daddy's chest. Fortunately, Dad got the message. He placed the girl on a quiet lap and led the visitors to the cake and drink.

This situation leaves deflection see in its purest form: something becomes too much and that burden is distracted.

Deflection everywhere
Deflection is something that is very common in large and small. It is distracting attention, as in the example of the birthday girl. But it is also: not wanting to see the real cause of things, ignoring and hiding feelings, not wanting to bear responsibilities and not having to implement real solutions.

So often the proverbial finger is not put on the sore spot, but elsewhere. And that always happens so that the burden or effort need be felt less or can be completely ignored.

Clear deflection!
The most obvious is deflection when someone receives unwanted input, feedback or advice. The input may be unwanted because it's just not what the person wants to hear. Or because the input elicits a socially undesirable response, such as hostility or feeling weak. Whatever it is, whatever makes the input unwanted, there's a good chance that the person receiving unwanted input will quickly ignore it, step above it, ignore it or say they already know.

Very bad cases…!
In the worst case of deflection, you see your stalkers failing to realize that the other person lives in a different reality. But also someone who has done something painful and then says that the other is just too sensitive. Or someone ends the relationship and says that the other person has an unresolved childhood problem that prevents the relationship from working. Or a therapist who says he/she can't help the other because the other is "not ready" or too attached to the problem.

Hidden deflection...
Deflection is sometimes less easy to 'see'. A few examples of more hidden deflection:
- Someone has had an accident and does not become afraid of cars, people or traffic, but this person develops an aversion to taking pills, having also had to take pills after the accident.
- The father of a five year old child has made the decision to go somewhere. But the situation the child finds himself in because of that decision feels very unsafe to the child. The child therefore loses faith in the father's ability to do the right thing for him. But the child cannot afford to completely reject or replace his father. That would make his world completely empty and unsafe. So the child seeks a black sheep closer to himself. He blames his own dependence on his father's decisions. He decides to always be independent and to hold all the reins in his own hands.
- Someone is unhappy with his life. Instead of allowing themselves to be unhappy and just saying so, they should always see the positive side. Of everything. Always. Because if the negative were to be mentioned, the unhappy feeling would only become stronger, is the idea. He has to keep his vibration high.
- Someone is very tight with money and prefers to blame her own actions. And sometimes everyone in the world gets the blame. Or the politics, or the legislation in our country. Or the neighbour. Everything rather than examining the energy in which she was raised. What was she missing? Oh dear, do I now have to want, wish or desire anything? Someone is very strict with herself. The sentence: "I am my own worst critic" fits that person perfectly. A compliment is always expertly waved away.

Reason deflection
The reason people use deflection is always because the outside input poses a threat to someone's positive self-image. And apparently that person has a good reason for wanting to hold on to a certain positive self-image, because he / she has once received the message that it is very bad / bad / stupid otherwise.

In the spiritual world, deflection is usually seen as a cowardly act. Because you're avoiding something that you should really let sink in. You should actually take ownership of it. You really should be authentic. When it is mentioned, it often sounds like a reproach. Just as the labels co-dependent and narcissistic almost always sound like a reproach.

Compassion for deflection
When you notice deflection, remember that it is apparently emotionally too heavy for the person to accept certain inputs. Someone will pull out all the stops to block, disprove or ignore the input. The person tries to maintain a certain self-image or world view. Apparently that feels safer or (hopefully) better than letting certain input sink in.
This shifting of an emotional burden often happens unconsciously, because it already originated in early childhood, just like with co-dependency and narcissism.

In summary
Deflection is a defense and survival mechanism. It ensures that responsibility for a burden is shaken off. This is done by putting the blame in the wrong place and/or looking for the solution in the wrong place. Deflection always happens because the responsibility for the real problem or for the real solution seems unpleasant, undesirable or impossible and would affect the positive self-image of someone (or a group of people).

Solution deflection?
The only solution I see is that everyone will see for themselves where they do not allow something. Who should not have an effect on you? What should not enter your world? Which characteristic is absolutely not yours? Where are you not honest? In short: where are you not aligned?
And that everyone is going to restore that process of deflection. The solution is not to rule out things. But in allowing everything and yet making your own choices.
The paradox is this: when you allow yourself to be everything and allow all the input of the world, then you feel better who you are, what you want and what you long for. Deflection is stagnant, oppressive and creates conflict… Alignment ensures flow, free choices and win-win situations.

Suppose everyone did that, from their own position! Where do you want to start?

Join the solution
Do you want to learn to recognize the different forms of deflection? And do you want to learn how to deal with it?
Because when you as a parent, coach, therapist or manager are dealing with someone who uses deflection to stay upright, you may miss practical tools to deal with that. How do you get through to such a person? How can you find a ground of connection that is honest and yet compassionate?

Aligned. is the program to learn to deal with these kinds of dynamics softly, clearly and powerfully. And much more of course! In Aligned. you will learn everything I know in the field of alignment. And about how you help others to be in alignment as well. Learn it yourself and pass it on as an Alignment Practitioner!

Would you rather work 1-1 with me?
The Completion Process is designed to reunite you with parts of yourself that you once had to reject, ignore or expropriate and shows you the way back to alignment.

For current events, check out Events

Most people call something karma, when it seems that something, which they have done in the past, comes back to them. You have done something good and therefore you have it good now. Or the other way around: you once did something bad and now you are badly treated.


I'm curious how you think about karma. What is your concept? How does it work? What can you do to make karma work for you? And: how do you feel about your concept of karma? Maybe you feel several things, for example: resignation, sureness, irritation… And maybe also: happy, enthusiastic, combative… You can write your answer in the comments below 🙂

Law of Attraction

Most people I talk to about karma, are also interested in the Law of Attraction. They want to manifest a finer life. And that is possible too! Because the more you can learn to carry a certain energy with you, the more you will have experiences in that energy. So if you 'practice' feeling very rich, then the reality of your life will follow. And you will attract wealth.

The other side

But… it is also necessary to look at the other side of karma and the law of attraction. How does it hinder you? How do you sometimes undermine yourself and others? What do you pass on to others? Where do you keep going in circles?


Most people also have a somewhat oppressive feeling with the idea of karma. Especially when they are busy with themselves as children of their own parents or when they have children of their own. Because they see that they have inherited certain patterns and pass them on. These are not always nice things…


Besides the oppressive feeling around karma, I often see resignation. Like: 'it's just the way it is'. We just have to make the best of it here on earth. Underneath this feeling is a certain powerlessness, so that no change is possible or necessary anymore. And, whether people realise it or not, at the very bottom of that 'resigned' side, there is an energy of 'not wanting to live'. Not wanting to create your own reality of experience, because it seems too impossible, lonely, difficult, useless or whatever. And that energy is very heavy. Almost everyone wants to stay away from it, ridicule it or just deny it. But in the meantime, it is always passed on unconsciously…


Now that I have said all this, I would like to give you a key. So that you can understand yourself in every feeling. In every action, in every karmic burden and with every attempt to make the Law of Attraction work for you. The basis for using that key is the principle that I explain to you in the video. I hope it makes you feel a little lighter and freer, because you have a key to resolve karma yourself.

The principle that I explain in the video explains why people can hurt each other so much. Over and over again.

It explains why a bully often starts bullying others (or bullying himself into the ground). It explains why a parent, who was beaten as a child, often also beats his/her own children (or beats himself/herself inside…).

Cleaned up

Many people are stuck in old karmic patterns, because of unprocessed emotions and feeling states. Then those limiting patterns keep flowing through to the next generations. They keep spinning between parents and children, between partners, between everyone you deal with. It really should be cleared once and for all.

The principle of karma and unprocessed emotions and feeling states explains why emotional freedom is so difficult to experience. If you understand this principle, you can stop the endless repeating and walk towards your inner freedom. And at the same time extinguish the pattern of another.


Did you know that you can learn to feel it very clearly, when someone else tries to "drop" karma on you. It is as if an energetic gust of wind is coming towards you. That gust of wind is asking you to react from a certain emotional state that is not right for you personally at that moment.


And when you are aware of this, you can also learn to respond to it in inner freedom. By doing so you stop the endless repeating and you free at least two people from this pattern. Namely you and the other person. And maybe a whole family line.

To learn

I know that many people can feel these things and can learn to deal with them in a liberating way. Often it is only a matter of confirmation and guidance.


Do you sometimes get stuck in patterns, of which you know or suspect that they are such repeated karmic patterns? And are you brave enough to take ballast off your back? Do you want to learn to use the key to solve karma?

To work

Do you want to get started right now? Maybe a session with Completion Process something for you! Request an introductory meeting via my contact page.

In a private Facebook group, someone yesterday asked the question:

“When will I meet someone who totally gets me? People don't see me fully.”

To be seen, to be heard and to be understood is for most people the greatest desire in their lives. But there is a catch… Because, beneath this desire is another desire.

The subject suits me. Because, being seen for who I am, is also something for me that I have so desperately longed for in my life! Because sometimes I have also felt so incredibly misunderstood and alone… I also sometimes thought that no one could ever fully understand me. I finally found the snag and pulled it out from under the grass.

This is what I wrote back:
“I understand you want to be understood by others and you want to be seen fully. I have craved so much to be seen and understood. And still do sometimes.

Your question rises some questions in my mind:
How would you know if someone is seeing you fully or not? Do you really know what another person sees when they look at you? Is it possible for you to see another fully?

In my experience, when I can accept whatever others see in me, I feel seen. Because I have no attachment to how others see me.
When I really want others to see me in a specific way, or specific parts of me, I will probably feel partly unseen. And when this happens, I can decide to be ok about that or not. And when I am not ok, I can be ok about not being ok.”

The 'problem' clearly in view
So suppose that you also really want to be seen by others and that you do not have that experience.

If you know anything about the Law of Attraction, you will understand this: a part of you blocks that experience of 'being seen'. That part has reasons not to want to be seen. Part of you must be a match with the experience of 'not being seen'. Whether that energy comes from yourself, from your upbringing or past lives, apparently you are a match with it.

Even if you know that, how can you deal with this? How can you make peace with the desire to be seen and the experience of not being seen?

Do you ever feel like no one sees you as you really are? I'm going to tell you how to clamber out of that lonely pit.

Step 1:
Find in yourself two opposite parts. In this example: one that really wants to be seen and its counterpart: a part that just doesn't want to be seen.

Step 2: Get to know the first part better.
• What do I want the other person to see of me? How do I want the other to see me? What qualities do I want to show?
• Suppose you could see this part, what would it look like? How does this part behave? What does this part want? What does it not want?
• Admit that you care about this. If it weren't, you wouldn't feel like someone isn't seeing you fully.
• Then you dive a little deeper into this, by asking: why do I want someone else to see that about me? If no one ever saw this part of me, why would I care?
Think of reasons for being useful, being good, being worthy of life or love.
• Validate this part: tell this part of yourself that it is completely understandable and okay that this part is as it is.

Step 3: Get to know the counterpart better.
The counterpart is a part of yourself that has an interest in not being seen as you are.
• Suppose you could also see this part, what would it look like? How does this part behave?
• Ask this section: what is more important to you than being seen?
Is it perhaps more important to have a sense of being together with the other person? And not to be (too much) different? Or is it safer not to show anything that could criticize you? Or would you rather maintain a sense of freedom than be seen by others in a specific way? When people don't see you, they can't "categorize" you. What's more important for this part?
• Validate this part. Tell this part that, with the background and the experiences it has had so far, it's completely understandable and okay to be.

Step 4: Stand in the middle
See that you yourself are a presence experiencing both parts. Imagine yourself having both parts around you. You can stand in between, as it were, right in the middle.
Recognize that (until now) you subconsciously felt that you had to choose between one of the two. One moment maybe one, another the other. Or that you subconsciously always thought one was more important than the other. Decide that they are equally important to you now. Apparently you've been through situations where these parts have been pulled apart. It was once necessary to make that split.
Now it's time to embrace both parts of yourself. It is ok to be moved by opposing inner movements. It is fine that sometimes you are and sometimes you are not inclined to show certain parts of yourself.
Find peace in the middle, so that you can freely choose what to show.

Step 4: Give others freedom too
You can probably stay more and more in the middle and observe your inner movement. Can you now also let others free to be moved by you? Can you accept that someone else sees something of you or not? Can you allow someone to be moved by you or not?

Whatever your answer is, it's a good answer. All you have to do is be honest and open.

Step 5: Honesty over 'goodness'
And, if you don't manage to set others free, can you be okay with having two opposite parts in this as well? One who is willing to release the other and one who is not willing to do so. You can work with this in the same way as with the two opposite parts around the theme of 'being seen'.

Important reminder: honesty and openness will get you more than 'goodness'. Parts actually entered your subconscious at some point because they were 'bad' or 'unacceptable'. Get rid of the snags of your conscious desires and discover that you can also understand and embrace the (until now) unconscious counter-rowers.

Good to know
Do you have trouble with something, or do you seem unable to get on with a certain theme? Then there are always two opposite parts at work in yourself. Two parts that don't seem to fit through one door with each other or with you (your image of yourself). The method I described above can be used for all 'problems' with conscious wishes and unconscious counter-rowers. Always look for those two parts and watch them, feel them, validate them. Fully understand them both.

So that you can continue to observe from the center in that encompassing consciousness. You no longer need to be dragged along, all the way to one side. You can see both sides from the free center and take the next step in that freedom.

Trusting their intuition more is a great wish for many people. That's why I have a very cool exercise for you today! An imagination exercise to play with your intuitive imagination and with the healing power of your own imagination. Often all it takes, to trust your intuition more, is to play with your intuitive talents!

And yes, it's play, it's about your imagination and your intuition, but make no mistake! This is a very powerful and sometimes confrontational exercise.

Kids will love this exercise too! Have fun together

!! Important: Complete the exercise completely! You can't go wrong. So when you start, make a commitment to yourself to finish this exercise to the end. Promised?!

Okay, here's the exercise:
The magical wishing tree
Requirements: Uninterrupted time (30 min to 1 hour), a few sheets of paper and something to write/draw on.

Step 1
Think of a tree.

Imagine a happy, healthy and vigorous version of that tree and watch it closely in your imagination. You can start at the roots. Look at the shape of the root system as a whole and also a single root. Look at the carrot from the outside and the inside. Look at its colour, structure and shape. Do the same for the trunk, branches, leaves and possibly the blossoms or fruits.

Let the images arise naturally in your imagination. For example, if you don't see a blossom, but only leaves, that's perfect.

Also view elements around the tree, such as the sky and visiting animals above the ground and microorganisms, water and nutrients below the ground.

Step 2
Draw the tree with all the details you noticed. It doesn't have to be beautiful. As long as it's on paper!

Step 3
Now think of the same kind of tree as before, but the version of that tree you are now. What does your tree look like? Look at the roots, the trunk, the leaves and possibly the blossoms or fruits. Also look at the elements around the tree, as you now see them in your imagination. How's the air? Are there animals visiting? What does everything look like underground? Are some elements gone now? Or have elements been added?

Step 4
Draw the tree as you see it now. While drawing, perhaps even more details emerge. Sign them in.

!! Tip! You are probably going to make quite a lot of interpretations about what you see emerging on your paper. Let those interpretations come and go, like clouds in the sky. The same goes for thoughts and emotions that arise. Take a moment to let them come and go. We stay in the story of your tree. Focus on what's on paper.

Step 5
Now you ask the tree, which represents your energy: “What do you need to be a happy, healthy and powerful version of yourself?” Fantasize, imagine, think of all the elements that the tree needs. For example: a gardener, water, sun, nutrients, rest, wind, contact with other trees or animals or angels… I name just a few! Does the tree want to hear from you? Stick to the tree's wishes.
Draw all resources. How many are there?

Step 6
Close your eyes and imagine that the tree receives all the resources it needs. See the effect on the roots, trunk, branches and leaves. See the effect on the entire tree in its environment.

Just to be sure, check that you've had all the resources so you don't forget any. Maybe you'll think about it more along the way. That's fine! Give the tree all the resources it needs to make 100% a happy, healthy and strong tree again.

Step 7
Finally, draw the third version of the tree, the magical wishing tree, which has been given and processed all the resources. Flip the other two versions or put them underneath.

Step 8
Imagine the energy of this healed, magical wishing tree merging with the energy in your body. Just make it happen. Let the energy spread everywhere. You don't have to do anything except observe what is happening.

Do you still have any questions? Did you run into anything while doing this exercise? I like to hear it!

My children (7&9) were sick at home last week. So I was also forced to be at home… And actually I always think that's great!! Nice and cozy in pajamas walking around all day and lots of cuddling on the couch. And have fun drawing this time! Finally I finished this magical mandala, which had been sitting half-finished in a folder for a year or so. It has to do with the root chakra, I think.

Safety and light in the base. Do you feel something about it? Do you experience anything when you look at it?

I always find it so magical about creative projects that it starts with an idea, which makes you feel a kind of 'spark': Yes, I'm going to do that! And that you then pay attention to it and that something comes out that you could not have imagined, not exactly the way it comes out. That the result can greatly exceed your idea. That you can be surprised by what your own hands create. That certainly happened with this mandala!

Just like when you make your choices in life. It also starts with a 'yes, I'm going to try this or that' and then you really pay attention to it and then it becomes something. And actually always something different than what you had in mind. So why do we often want to know if something will work? Why do we want certainty?

The law of attraction gives us more than we can imagine at first. We just need to notice our 'sparks' of joy and work with it in one way or another until it produces the desired result. How, doesn't matter. If the spark isn't too encapsulated by beliefs like 'I can't do it anyway' or 'nobody will like what I do' or 'I'm not good enough'… Then it can be difficult to enjoy your 'sparks'. ' to manifest a fire of beautiful experiences. Too much encapsulation may result in disappointing or non-existent results of your actions…

Recently I had a client who after two in-depth sessions had started to feel like giving shape to her life again.. (Before that she had had a burnout, which had improved somewhat in the meantime, she had low self-esteem, as if she deserved nothing beautiful, experienced incest ... deep shit..!) She asked me during our discussion: “I think it would be great fun to work at a daycare. Shall I try that?” (I hardly ever give choice advice, by the way!) But this time I said, “Yeah, do that. Try it! You don't know if you like horseback riding until you've been on a horse..! You just have to experience it and then you have the opportunity to choose again at any moment.” She asked if that would be fulfilling? Shouldn't she reach for something higher or do something more "spiritual"? No! Just follow your 'joy'. The trick is to pick up and experience the joy that lies right in front of your feet..!

Now, after working at the daycare for two weeks, I got an email with some sort of update on her life. And the 'work' exceeds her expectations! She gets energy from it! She is happy there and they are happy with her! Her perfect job at the moment and she feels energized and happy. Such a great turnaround!!I dedicate this mandala to such a turnaround: I wish you, as you read this, that you feel safe and loved to experience and follow your joy to your deepest foundation <3

You may want to look at it for a while, to get a feeling or a message from it.

Exercise "Finding Peace in Feelings and Emotions"

This exercise can help you be more comprehensive with yourself. No more denying, hiding, expropriating, ignoring or condemning parts of yourself. You, including everything! Do you dare?

This exercise is perfect for you, when you

  • Notice that a certain feeling or emotion keeps coming back
  • Notice that you make 'wrong' choices, while you know better somewhere
  • Are bothered by the feelings or emotions of others
  • Preferably tries to avoid (certain) emotions or not to feel
  • Are you curious about a sense of peace

Takes 15 minutes to half an hour, I'm guessing. Pen and paper is handy!
Below you will find an example!!

Step 1 – Name a reason
Think of something about yourself or someone else that you have an emotional reaction to. Or think of a feeling or emotion that sometimes bothers you or that bothers you with someone else. I'd like something that is on a scale of 0-10, an 8 or higher in intensity for you.

Write it down briefly (recommended!)

For example like this:
- I dislike…
– I find it difficult when…
– I hate it when someone else…

Step 2 – Name your feeling
I feel this…
That makes me feel…

Step 3 – Describe your tendency or reaction
My tendency is because of this…
I react …

Step 4 – Validate yourself
Say to yourself:
"Anyone in my shoes would feel that way."
"It's perfectly right that I feel this way."
"I completely approve of myself, my inclination/reaction and my emotion/feeling."

Step 5
Ask yourself: Can I be content to react in this way when I experience the trigger chosen in step 1?

Important: Any answer is right! Whether you say yes or no to a question, both are perfect. Even dishonesty is good. Notice your tendency to be dishonest and find your honest answer.

'YES, I can be at peace with it'
Then allow peace to encompass and engulf you completely. Enjoy it! You are done. (Or you start over with a different feeling or emotional response.)

'NO, I can't be content with it'
Continue with step 6.

Step 6 – Find more layers of emotions and reactions to validate
Repeat the four questions about the occasion you chose:
A – How do I feel about this too?
B – What is my inclination because of that?
C – Validate each new layer of feeling/emotional response and tendencies.
D – Can I be comfortable with feeling this way and having those tendencies? Yes or no?

Note: this can be a very long list. That's very simple! Let yourself be surprised. Continue until you have seen (validated) all your reactions and inclinations and experienced peace.


Background: I hate it when people don't keep their word.

(A) That makes me very angry!
(B) My tendency is to smash the whole house to pieces.
(C) Validation: I completely approve of myself and my anger.
(D) Can I be content with getting angry when someone doesn't keep his word? No. Not yet.

(A) I also feel insignificant, meaning nothing, when someone doesn't keep their word. My inclination is never to count on anyone again. Never again have expectations of that person and not really connect anymore. And also to be wary of others.
(B) I completely understand myself that I feel so insignificant and have all these tendencies when someone doesn't keep their word.
(C) Can I be at peace with it now? No.

(A) I also feel very alone, abandoned when someone does not keep his word.
(B) I tend to do everything myself and only take on things when I'm very sure that I can do it and that it will work.
(C) I completely embrace myself in that feeling of loneliness and with a tendency to get it all done on my own.
(D) Can I be comfortable feeling this way? No, not yet.

(A) I also feel a desperate shame when someone doesn't keep their word. As if I'm not worth doing what I promised!
(B) I tend to always try very hard so that others want to be with me and come to me to connect. So that I can choose or reject someone myself.
(C) I totally understand that I feel desperate and want to be in charge of making choices myself.
(D) Can I be at peace with it? No still not.

(A) I am also afraid when someone does not keep their word.
(B) I tend not to promise anything myself. Nothing in the future for me to see for myself. I never, ever want to be the cause of my own failure to keep my word.
(C) Anyone in my shoes would feel this way and have this tendency.
(D) Can I be okay with that? Yes…

When you are ready and experience peace, light, 'uplifting' inner movements often arise. Perhaps there will be room for a desire for connection, loving self-care, compassion for making mistakes, firmness in your own being… Maybe you will feel and see the light again that you have been given, to do something with, to experience something with .

Sometimes people cannot experience peace during an exercise like this. It doesn't matter how hard they try.

If you recognize yourself as someone who just can't feel peace in emotions and your own reactions, ask yourself this question: Can I be completely okay with myself when I'm not at peace?

Probably not?

Ask yourself this question: Can I be totally okay with the fact that I'm not okay because I can't feel peace? In short: can I be okay with not being okay? Some of you will have to say yes now. Validate this part of you.

You might feel that you soon switch back to a part of you that really wants to be okay. Recognize that you have two opposing inner parts. One who wants to feel ok and one who wants to be ok when he doesn't feel ok. It is perfectly normal to have paradoxical parts in it.

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