Once I was at a little girl's birthday. She was 1 year old and daddy greeted the guests with the girl on her arm. At one point there were 5 visitors around her and daddy. They gave her presents to open later. And they all talked to her and also about her to daddy. She couldn't say much herself. She silently looked at everyone. But apparently it was starting to get a little too much for her, all that attention. Because she did something very clever: she pointed her finger out through the window. And everyone who was around her followed the finger and looked out too. There was nothing special to see outside! It took a while for everyone to realize that. Meanwhile, the girl had hidden her face against Daddy's chest. Fortunately, Dad got the message. He placed the girl on a quiet lap and led the visitors to the cake and drink.
This situation leaves deflection see in its purest form: something becomes too much and that burden is distracted.
Deflection is something that is very common in large and small. It is distracting attention, as in the example of the birthday girl. But it is also: not wanting to see the real cause of things, ignoring and hiding feelings, not wanting to bear responsibilities and not having to implement real solutions.
So often the proverbial finger is not put on the sore spot, but elsewhere. And that always happens so that the burden or effort need be felt less or can be completely ignored.
The most obvious is deflection when someone receives unwanted input, feedback or advice. The input may be unwanted because it's just not what the person wants to hear. Or because the input elicits a socially undesirable response, such as hostility or feeling weak. Whatever it is, whatever makes the input unwanted, there's a good chance that the person receiving unwanted input will quickly ignore it, step above it, ignore it or say they already know.
Very bad cases…!
In the worst case of deflection, you see your stalkers failing to realize that the other person lives in a different reality. But also someone who has done something painful and then says that the other is just too sensitive. Or someone ends the relationship and says that the other person has an unresolved childhood problem that prevents the relationship from working. Or a therapist who says he/she can't help the other because the other is "not ready" or too attached to the problem.
Deflection is sometimes less easy to 'see'. A few examples of more hidden deflection:
- Someone has had an accident and does not become afraid of cars, people or traffic, but this person develops an aversion to taking pills, having also had to take pills after the accident.
- The father of a five year old child has made the decision to go somewhere. But the situation the child finds himself in because of that decision feels very unsafe to the child. The child therefore loses faith in the father's ability to do the right thing for him. But the child cannot afford to completely reject or replace his father. That would make his world completely empty and unsafe. So the child seeks a black sheep closer to himself. He blames his own dependence on his father's decisions. He decides to always be independent and to hold all the reins in his own hands.
- Someone is unhappy with his life. Instead of allowing themselves to be unhappy and just saying so, they should always see the positive side. Of everything. Always. Because if the negative were to be mentioned, the unhappy feeling would only become stronger, is the idea. He has to keep his vibration high.
- Someone is very tight with money and prefers to blame her own actions. And sometimes everyone in the world gets the blame. Or the politics, or the legislation in our country. Or the neighbour. Everything rather than examining the energy in which she was raised. What was she missing? Oh dear, do I now have to want, wish or desire anything? Someone is very strict with herself. The sentence: "I am my own worst critic" fits that person perfectly. A compliment is always expertly waved away.
The reason people use deflection is always because the outside input poses a threat to someone's positive self-image. And apparently that person has a good reason for wanting to hold on to a certain positive self-image, because he / she has once received the message that it is very bad / bad / stupid otherwise.
In the spiritual world, deflection is usually seen as a cowardly act. Because you're avoiding something that you should really let sink in. You should actually take ownership of it. You really should be authentic. When it is mentioned, it often sounds like a reproach. Just as the labels co-dependent and narcissistic almost always sound like a reproach.
Compassion for deflection
When you notice deflection, remember that it is apparently emotionally too heavy for the person to accept certain inputs. Someone will pull out all the stops to block, disprove or ignore the input. The person tries to maintain a certain self-image or world view. Apparently that feels safer or (hopefully) better than letting certain input sink in.
This shifting of an emotional burden often happens unconsciously, because it already originated in early childhood, just like with co-dependency and narcissism.
Deflection is a defense and survival mechanism. It ensures that responsibility for a burden is shaken off. This is done by putting the blame in the wrong place and/or looking for the solution in the wrong place. Deflection always happens because the responsibility for the real problem or for the real solution seems unpleasant, undesirable or impossible and would affect the positive self-image of someone (or a group of people).
The only solution I see is that everyone will see for themselves where they do not allow something. Who should not have an effect on you? What should not enter your world? Which characteristic is absolutely not yours? Where are you not honest? In short: where are you not aligned?
And that everyone is going to restore that process of deflection. The solution is not to rule out things. But in allowing everything and yet making your own choices.
The paradox is this: when you allow yourself to be everything and allow all the input of the world, then you feel better who you are, what you want and what you long for. Deflection is stagnant, oppressive and creates conflict… Alignment ensures flow, free choices and win-win situations.
Suppose everyone did that, from their own position! Where do you want to start?
Join the solution
Do you want to learn to recognize the different forms of deflection? And do you want to learn how to deal with it?
Because when you as a parent, coach, therapist or manager are dealing with someone who uses deflection to stay upright, you may miss practical tools to deal with that. How do you get through to such a person? How can you find a ground of connection that is honest and yet compassionate?
Aligned. is the program to learn to deal with these kinds of dynamics softly, clearly and powerfully. And much more of course! In Aligned. you will learn everything I know in the field of alignment. And about how you help others to be in alignment as well. Learn it yourself and pass it on as an Alignment Practitioner!
Would you rather work 1-1 with me?
The Completion Process is designed to reunite you with parts of yourself that you once had to reject, ignore or expropriate and shows you the way back to alignment.
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